I’m not sure I need my initials bedazzled like an Ed Hardy Tshirt


My lovely fiancee received her first bridal magazine in the mail a few days ago. She was excited. She had ordered a couple a few months ago but they hadn’t arrived. She picked up a copy of Bridal Guide and, well, I read it first. She was busy on her computer and I wanted to see what these bridal magazines were all about.

I was flipping through and noticed that 95% of it contained ads for wedding dresses. Some were ok, most were bad, and I realized that I have a hard time looking at a wedding dress and figuring out what’s good/bad about it at first glance. I have to really study them. To me, they look like a white sheet at once and I tend to notice the woman wearing it before I notice what is actually being worn. Maybe I’ve developed an automatic mental process where I see a white gown, know its a wedding, and focus on who is getting married rather than on the dress that is getting married. Or maybe I just like looking at models and realizing which designers are high end just based on how attractive their models are. And I like looking at the ugly lighting, the waterfalls, and the stupid photoshoots where you can’t actually see the whole dress or the model is walking in a waterfall or something. If you’re getting married under a waterfall, spending $5000 dollars on your dress is probably not the smartest thing for you to do. Invest in a nice bikini and bolero.

But besides the dress ads, there was one ad that jumped out at me. It’s something I’ve noticed on bridal message boards and in blogs. People love monograms and I get why. It’s a way to personalize your wedding, show your unity as a couple, act as if you’re a member of the social and financial class that can afford monogram towels from LL Bean. I get it. What I don’t necessarily get is the need bedazzle your monogram ontop of your wedding cake.




Ugly ugly ugly and completely unnecessary. I understand that I am not the target audience for these type of cake toppers. I also understand that I’m not the type of guy who likes to wear a bunch of bling to get noticed in a crowd (though my old punk jacket shows I’m not completely foreign to the idea) but I find bedazzled monogramed cake toppers to be pretty tacky. It’s another shiny thing in an event where shiny things seem to be overloaded by brides and grooms. I, personally, want the marriage ceremony, my bride, and me, to be the brightest thing in the room. I don’t want to be outdone by a tacky monogramed rhinestone covered cake topper. And I definetly don’t want to keep a piece of cake jewelry in my house as a memento of my wedding. It might serve as an effective nightlight or as light source to fend off zombies but it’s going to be pretty weird hanging on my wall next to pictures of my big day. It shouldn’t be the first thing that catches your eye. That should be a general rule for all wedding decorations. They shouldn’t outshine you and they shouldn’t attempt to outshine you either. All details are just that; details to enhance the reception or ceremony and not to overpower. A giant bedazzled monogramed cake topper shouts is just like waving a pair of keys in front of a toddler. It’s a distraction. Instead, the decorations should be simple, subtle, and a cake topper should be one of those things that people notice when they stop looking at you and start looking for food. Unless you want to blind your invitees hoping they won’t eat the food and they’ll be driven back to their cars from whence they came. If that’s true, then get two of these things. More power to ya.