A friend of mine with a newborn just made a deal with his kidling that for every resolution he fails to complete, he will give his son $100. My wife thinks that is a wonderful idea and thinks I should do the same thing except that she will get the $100 instead. And as one of my goals is to try and blog everyday (I like making resolutions that are impossible to keep), my wife now believes that everyday I fail to blog, I should give her $100. I don’t think I’ll take her up on that offer.
I tend not to make too many resolutions mostly because I don’t like using the New Year as a yard marker. Instead, I think Birthdays, the start of a new school year, and Christmas are better yard markers for some reason. I like thinking of my year as beginning when I was born and since the start of a school year is (to me) the official end of summer and the beginning of fall, I find myself to be very reflective at that time. Plus, I prefer not to make resolutions during the middle of a cold period where my desire to hibernate in my sweltering cave tends to push all resolutions that require me to actually go outside, to the curb. If I’m going to make changes to my life, I prefer to give myself a fighting chance to actually WIN.
But blogging more is something I would like to do. And I’m hoping to bust out my camera more and take pictures. One thing that I noticed during my trip to Florida (I’m back in the lovely it’s-forty-degrees-colder-than-Tampa NYC) was how, on New Year’s Eve, even though I felt happy, my eyes in all pictures looked tired and it just felt difficult to smile. I was exhausted, low on energy, and I had yet to have an opportunity to be by myself and recharge and it was obvious on my face. But I still kept pushing myself to do things and I enjoyed myself and I had a lovely time. I wasn’t unhappy, miserable, or doing anything I didn’t want to do. But my face and eyes were showing me just how worn out I was. And I’m sure other people could see it. And that is something I would like to figure out this year.
I’m not a completely introvert but I have come to realize that I am able to recharge myself better when I am alone. In a weird way, I can also feed off the energy of others and push through life but that’s not the best way for me to be at my best. And with my travels between Philly and NYC, my time at LTSP, and my field experience, I really never have time to sit and recharge. And this has been noticed by my peers and supervisors and it has impacted my work to some degree. So I’m hoping to figure out ways for me to recharge. This might require me to learn how to speed read so I can free up time during my studies. I might need to learn how to maximize the limited time I have on public transportation and just put my books away. And if none of this works, then I might just need to learn how to fake it and to keep my eyes looking as energized as possible. Face scrubs, eye creams, or ditching my contacts, might at least trick my face to appear more energized than it has in the past. If I am energized enough to still engage with people, to participate in the world, to actively plan, make goals, and do things, my eyes and face should reflect that. And as a pastor, my body language is going to need to make this change. I’ll draw the line, however, at drawing eyeballs on my eyelids to pretend to be awake while I’m snoozing. I’m not that good of an artist.