Quick Hits August 22, 2009

The World’s Most Expensive Wedding dress


$1.5 million for a dress made out of peacock feathers? Wrong. It should be a tux made out of peacock feathers. I would totally rock that.

Orange Candy Buffet

I like how this is laid out.

Mad Men Weddings

I like some of the looks the only problem is that it doesn’t fit the story line. Where’s Don Drapper sleeping with the bridesmaids? Where’s the guy chasing after the 18 year old freshman from college who is the bride’s sister? Where’s the closeted gay? I need more more more people.


The more I think about it, the more I want pie at my wedding. Only problem is that pie is hard to eat and if you don’t have many tables, this could be a problem.

This is awful

What an awful wedding dress. Ladies, unless you are being married while scuba diving, do not expose your midrift at your wedding. If you must, do it at the reception but lets keep covered up at the ceremony or else I’m letting your groom walk around in a tube top on his big day.

Quick hits for August 15, 2009

Those Bridezillas

Another Bridezilla is facing possible jail time. This one actually wasn’t on the show but she did write a bad check and try to launder money to pay for her photographer, DJ, and other wedding day events. She was arrested 2 days before her wedding. I wonder if they waited to arrest her until right before her wedding day to make a point. That is something I would have done.

A 1.2 mile train


This might be a little excessive.

Subway shots

My fiancee and I aren’t the only ones who want to do this. Hopefully our shots will look less artsy, more comical than what seems to be the norm in NYC.

Why are grooms so tacky?

I take my cake seriously and I don’t think it’s wrong to take cake seriously. Have you had a bad piece of cake? I have. You order what looks like a delicious piece of culinary delight. You cut it with your fork and realize that it was a little tougher to cut through than it should. Then you bring it up to your mouth and notice that it doesn’t have any smell. When you bite into it and start to chew, you realize that you have something in your mouth that is a cross between an old gym sock and a piece of styrofoam. You look around, trying to figure out a tactful and discreet way to spit it out but you’re in the middle of a restaurant that gave you cloth napkins and if you run to the bathroom right now, everyone will assume you have explosive bowel movements. So you continue chewing, swallow, and silently pray that this “food” won’t kill you. I’ve been there more times than I’d like to admit. Cake is serious business.

So, if it is, then why do so many grooms NOT take it seriously?

The groom’s cake bothers me. It bothers me because, in the traditional views about weddings, it’s one of the few things that grooms are kinda involved with when it comes with wedding planning. We let our mom’s do the guest list, we let the bride plan the big day and even what we’re wearing, but the groom’s cake is one of those few opportunities where the groom can bring a little of his personality to the wedding day. I take the view that the groom should use all parts of the wedding as a way to present himself at his best while at the same time reflecting his personality. All of this should illustrate why why the bride is marrying this awesome specimen of man.

Amanda _hunting_groom
Yes those are shotgun shells lining the cake

This is not the groom being at his best.

So you’re a hunter. Great. Good for you. I bet everyone already knows that. But who in their right mind thinks putting a picture of a dead deer on a cake at their wedding is a good idea? Where in the book of being awesome is that even listed as a valid idea? It’s not. I have that book. I’ve read it. I looked in the index, dead deer is not in it. A dead deer on a cake is not in it. Even the idea of a photo cake isn’t in it. But a dead deer? REALLY?

And don’t get me started on the Bud Light cake.

Grooms, you’re hurting America when you decide to do something as ridiculous as this. Do not advertise that you’re an alcoholic on you wedding day. Do not show the world that you’re into blowup dolls on your wedding day. Do not put a tombstone to your bachelorhood on a cake on your wedding day. Do not do this. Bringing a little of yourself to your wedding does not mean being tacky. If you feel that urge, stifle it and remember that being tacky and ridiculous and a waste of space is what the bachelor party is for. Pick a decent cake for crying out loud. It’s not that hard!

No no no no no, a thousand times, no

Brides who want their wedding cake to look like them on their wedding day, scare me. They really do. But I think the following wedding cake takes the, er, cake, for being the most frightening wedding cake I have ever seen.

bride torso 1

Thank the Lord for cake wrecks sharing this monstrosity. It’s a cake to showcase the bride’s dress ON A HEADLESS BODY. And it has no legs too! It’s just an unbloody torso sitting in the middle of the reception. And then the bride thinks it’s clever to put HER VEIL ontop of the ugly ugly beast. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

A reception like that would give me nightmares.

I know that they say that the wedding is the Bride’s day but come’on. There should be someone out there to stop the bride from doing something like this. Where’s the groom in all this? In fact, where’s the groom’s cake in all this? Was his cake just his pants standing straight up with a cuff and maybe a pleated front? I hope not but it would explain why this couple belong together.

Quick Hits for August 6, 2009

Celebrity Wedding News

If you didn’t know, I pay attention to the world of celebrity gossip more than a my cat takes naps and since it’s summer, that means weddings are everywhere. Only two real celebrity worthy weddings to note right now though.

Last Saturday, Mark Wahlberg married his baby mama in a small ceremony in Beverely Hills. The bride wore a white, strapless dress Marchesa dress and the groom kept it classy with your standard tuxedo with shiny shoes. I think I like the bride’s hair here – the wavy and down look goes well with the dress but I couldn’t help but think that a little bolero or some small sleeves would work better with her frame. I could be biased though since, well, my lack of love for strapless dresses is well known. I also think Mr Wahlberg could have stepped it up a notch with his style choices – would it kill him to have a pocket square? Either way, after 3 kids, they finally tied the knot. Good for them.

Also, Milla Jovovich set her wedding date to marry director Paul Anderson for August 22nd. I learned she and her fiance had been engaged for six years which, well, is a lonnnnng engagement. I was about to go “whaa??” and then I realized that this will be Milla’s third marriage and that her first marriage took place a dozen years ago when she was only 16 (and also means she’s only slightly older than me). I think taking a long engagement when you’re approaching marriage number 3 is probably appropriate for some couples and considering my love for The Fifth Element, Milla Jovovich can do no wrong in my eyes.

DIY Menus

I don’t hate the idea of DIY Menus for your wedding. In fact, I’ve been wrestling in my head with how to use food labeling during the reception as a way to decorate the reception hall. My fiancee’s mother was very keen on the idea of keeping the fellowship hall at our church very plain and simple – let the wooden floors, the nave above the hall, and the people attending the reception be all the decoration we really need. I like that idea but I do feel the hall needs more especially since we’re serving a light dessert reception and candy buffet. With a lot of older members at our church, sugar free desserts and candy are a must and those need to be labeled as such. My recent googling of vintage wedding signs and my recent web design projects has also gotten my brain tied to the idea of fonts as visual cues of awesomeness. I’m not quite sure how to label the food at our reception (and I do refuse to use the phrase “love is sweet” at my candy buffet) but hopefully I’ll figure it out soon. I have nothing but time currently.

Wonder Woman and Superman get married

It’s like the end of Kingdom Come became a reality but I’m not sure how I feel about Spider-man showing up at a DC Comics wedding. Either way, I’ve noticed that the costumed guests, bride, and groom, did a good job with the, um, bulge problem the comes with wearing superhero spandex. And, yes, I do have personal experience with that and no, I can’t tell you why I have that experience. If I did, I would ruin my secret identity and put my loved ones at risk. *cue dramatic music here*

I hate weddings : 10 things to make me love a wedding

My fiancee and I have actually met the guy who runs IHateWeddings.com and so when my fiancee blogged about his recent post, I knew I had to share it here. I agree with everything on his list of how to make him love a wedding. It barrels down to being thoughtful of your guests. I think most couples planning weddings should think about that more than they do and this goes across all wedding budgets, traditions, and ideas. To be completely honest, I prefer larger weddings than smaller ones. I like weddings at churches and places of worship rather than at the courthouse or a restaurant. There are plenty of people who aren’t like that however and I respect that (for some reason, a lot of my social circle enjoys using the “weddings are so expensive for guests so we’re just getting married at the courthouse” as justification for their real reasoning being “we just want to get married at the courthouse”). But any wedding ceremony which is an honest reflection of the couple and their guests is fine by me. And I’m sure someone is gonna connect at my wedding because I’m pretty fabulous, my fiancee is pretty fabulous, and since we’re a fabulous couple, we have some fabulous friends. If my wedding doesn’t increase the amount of awesomeoness in the world by at least 4%, I will be disappointed.

Quick Hits for July 31st, 2009

Alberto Cutie’s Wedding is in People En Espanol


Of course is it. There are even honeymoon shots too. The Roman Catholic Priest marrying a woman and renouncing his orders is an old story. It’s happened in the past, it happened to this famous latino tv personality, and it’ll happen in the future. I don’t fault the priest for falling in love – I’m Lutheran after all – what I fault the priest for is being a complete patz. He always “knew” he was going to get married? The wedding was the wedding of his childhood dreams even though he didn’t think about the priesthood until he was a teenager? It was his teenage self that really twisted him away from his “true roots” which was to be a married man? Please. I’ve heard excuses like this before but I’ll never buy them but it does reveal why his personality is perfect for tv and while he’ll be back before you know it.

A Katamari Wedding


I’ve never played the game but my roommate has so I had to share this Katamari wedding with her. Her first response was “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and then was followed with a “What? They only did the head pieces? Why not the whole body suits they wear in the game? Argh!” This just goes to show you that if you’re going to go all out, you need to go all out. Doing only the headpieces doesn’t cut it in the modern world.

UK Quakers are going to start allowing gay marriages

The title pretty much says it all.

Divorce Dance

I didn’t link to the marriage wedding entrance that everyone else did. I will link to the divorce dance parody though.

Don’t punch your roommate at your wedding

I know that the urge to smack someone at your wedding is probably more prevalent than we’d like to believe (I do watch Bridezillas) but don’t be this guy. There’s no need to spend your wedding night in jail.

Going out of business sales are the best

Some people rent tuxedos. Some people have the money to go out and buy a brand new designer tuxedo. Some people, ditching the tux tradition, go out and buy a suit. I, myself, had debated about getting a suit – a Burberry suit made-to-measure from Barneys – but, due to my continuing unemployment, I had to put that last idea on hold. Instead, I walk by my gym a week ago and noticed that the tuxedo rental store (which I always thought was sketchy and lame) was going out of business. They were closing the store and they had a sale. At first, I just noticed that shoes were on sale for $20 a pair but, come on, who wants to own shiny shoes? I wore the same kind of shoe when I was in 9th grade Marching Band and I hated them then and I hate them now. They’re childish. A few days later though, there was a sign written on scrap paper and pasted to the window. It said $90 gets you a tux, tie, vest, and shirt. Yeah, I didn’t believe it either.

In fact, I totally thought it was joke and that the place wasn’t going to have anything that I want that I waited to even tell my fiancee about the sale. She went to the store after the gym just to do a quick run through the store. The guy asked her what size of a tux she was looking for. She told them my size. The sales clerk (and old greek guy – this is Astoria after all) said “You’re such a big girl. How did you end up with such a little man?” Customer service, they don’t have it.

Anyways, we both went back the next day. I walked in, the guy looked at me and asked me what kind of tux I was looking for. I said simply a dark grey tux that fit me. I didn’t expect any contemporary styles – this isn’t the type of place you go for a cool look. They only stock Brandon Michael tuxedos and they all looked slightly old (which might be why they went out of business). 95% of the stock was black tuxedo. The sales clerk figured it would be tough to fine my size so he went towards the back and dug around. He came back with two tuxedos to try. One was a 36 and hung on me like a smock. The next was just labeled small. I tried it on and looked in the mirror. It fit. It really fit. So I bought it.

I own a tux

The pants fit around the waist (when they told them I was a 27 inch waist, they acted as if no pants were ever made to fit such a waist) but they’re way too long and have way too much fabric in the leg. I like a slim, skinny leg which, sadly, I can’t seem to find in standard suit pants but that’s something I can get a tailor to fix. The vest is black satin, the tie isn’t the skinny tie that I like (I can buy that separate) and the vest, while it fits, has to be pulled so tight that the straps in the back poke out and make it appear as if I could be an extra in Total Recall. And the shirt, while it fits around the neck perfectly (14/14.5 for the win), there is so much fabric in the shoulders and arms, it looks like I’m a pirate, or, even worse, that I’m pretending to be a pirate. I’m not that big of an internet dork. Ugh. Part of my suit/tux shopping dilemma is that I want the clothing to reflect on the truth of how I look – a small, thin, in shape d00d. You would think that would be easy to get in NYC but it’s really not. I probably should eat more chips.

Note to self: don’t wear a tuxedo on the hottest, most humid, and ugliest day of the year.

The tuxedo isn’t perfect though. I wish the jacket was just a little shorter in length which I might get tailored if possible. But considering the tuxedo rental I had in mine would cost around $200 (including tax), you can’t beat a $90 dollar tux. It’s perfect. It’s so perfect, my fiancee’s dad asked my fiancee to pick up a tuxedo for him which she did because she’s a good daughter.

So I have a tux, my fiancee has her dress, and we’ve got a cake stand. This wedding is really starting to come together.

Let them eat cake stands!

I really have no idea why I love cake stands but I do. If I could, I’d put half a dozen around the house and I’d use them to store non-cake related things. An Iron Man statue, a place to put my keys, maybe even use one to display my award winning peanut butter and jelly sandwiches right before I eat them. I think cake stands are the perfect way to showcase anything that you own or are about to devour. I’m a giant sucker.

So I mentioned a few days ago that we picked out our wedding cake – i.e. the Sun from Costco. Well, to be honest, our plan is to serve Costco sheet cakes at our wedding but we’ll really cut a smaller cake that we would display with a lovely cake topper on it. But what cake stand would do? What cake stand says what I want to say at the wedding? Which cake stand is really me?

One that’s on sale apparently.

Birds on a Wire from Fishs Eddy

I love Fishs Eddy, I’ve mentioned them on this blog several times. They make perfect stuff. Late Sunday night, I went to their site and noticed they had a sale. The cake stand is usually at 32.50 but was on sale for 13.12. I convinced my fiancee to head into Manhattan and check it out (because I didn’t want to spend the 4.50 necessary to take the subway into town – what can I say? I don’t have a job and I’m cheap and my fiancee is way too nice to me). She called me up from the store and asked me how much did the cake stand should cost. I told her 13. She said it was listed for around 8 dollars. There were only two left and one was marked with the price on it. I told her to get it and she did.

Detail of the Birds

It’s perfect. A small 8 inch white cake will sit on top and a custom made cake topper will stand on the cake. It’s going to be great.


And it’s this one.

Well, except for the letter 2 and the Happy Birthday message. Our cake won’t have that but it will have a happy, smiling sun. Oh yes. Oh yes it will.

And it does come from Costco.

Today at church, my fiancee and I hosted the fellowship after service in honor of our beloved friend Amanda who is moving to Chicago next week. Since we needed to get supplies for this special day, we picked the hottest and most humid and downright icky day of the year to walk the twenty of so blocks to Costco. We met up with my roommate who decided that she needed to buy 20 chicken breasts, 20 lbs worth of strawberries, and enough black tea to fill up Boston Harbor. I brought along my fiancee’s busted granny cart and we all went shopping. I had a great time.

This is something people who have cars and who live in the suburbs don’t truly understand. When you live in a shoebox with a neighbor who is practices opera late at night and another neighbor who believes that the three foot by three foot piece of dirt in front of your house needs a cactus on it, Costco is a wonderful thing. Buying peanut butter in bulk is not something us New Yorkers get to do very much because our supermarkets are smaller than our apartments. Just being able to buy a gallon of milk can be quite a chore especially since our milk has a special sell by date – our milk goes bad before yours do. Ugh. It’s tough to be us.

We ordered the sun cake and got a vanilla cake with vanilla cheesecake mousse filling and cream cheese icing. That was the one flavor we had not tried from Costco yet. Our church likes to consider ourselves the party church and so that means we eat a lot of cake. No where did Jesus say that you can’t spread the Gospel in between bites of deliciously sweet pastry goodness. Our guest of honor did the initial cake cutting at the start of fellowship and we dished out the cake.

It was delicious.

So my fiancee and I decided that this will be one of our wedding cakes. We’ll order three more – one with a princess on it, another with a rainbow, and the last one with the balloons. I’m not sure they’ll fit on the cake stands I want from Fishs Eddy but I’m okay with that. At $16.99 a sheet cake, I’m more than okay with that.