Pocket Sized Pastor*

I’m against carving your name and your SO’s name into a tree. People do it. I’ve had good friends do it. I’m sure George Washington did it after cutting down a cherry tree. But, yeah, I’m not a fan.

(Don’t assume that, for a second, there is a rational explanation for why this bugs me because there isn’t.)

Either way, I think carving your wedding date on a tree – on an aspen tree no less – is a faux pas. Oh. And the cross. Oh man, that bugs me. And it bugs me because when you carve one Aspen trees, you’re not just hurting one tree. You’re hurting the entire grove of Aspen trees. An Aspen grove is one single living tree. For a time, the largest living creature in the world was an Aspen grove (but it eventually lost out to some mold or something). So it’s not that adorable if you think about it. It would be like slapping a random stranger and then their entire mitochondria dna related family would feel it and go “ow”. Would you want to slap someone and cause that? Would you?

I’m going to ignore the 83% of you who answered “yes” to that question.

And I’m also going to ignore that part of my problem with this picture is, well, is that I want to take a picture like this but I never seem to be around the right Aspen groves. Ah well.

200 days till our wedding. Our cake topper has arrived.

(by nakked peggies)

There’s a band called Bridezilla. They’re from Australia. Some people are probably wondering if they’re any good. I think the more important question is if they know kung fu. Also, if we could get the band put in a cage match against some real life Bridezillas, I’d watch that. Are you listening WE tv? You could have an awesome season finale right there.

I’m clearing out my google reader because I woke up earlier than expected today.

Protesting on your wedding day

A couple got married and decided to protest the Central Park carriage ride at the same time. At first, I found this obnoxious because I find PETA obnoxious but, to their credit, the horses in Central Park do look sickly compared to horses from other cities. I also don’t agree with handing tracts out at your wedding. I support the cause though I I do find that the bride’s comment about what the most wonderful wedding present in the world to just be illustrate a lack of imagination. Why not give the horses jetpacks? That would definitely be an awesomner present.

Don’t forget your busty friends

If you are going to have bridesmaids, please think about all aspects of your brides. Basically, if you don’t have a larger cup size, and your friends do, please let them actually wear a bra at your wedding. And if you’re a groom, please have the same consideration for your groomsmen. Don’t pick a suit that is an ugly color for the one tan guy in your party. Don’t pick ugly ties that will clash with your hipster friends mountain man facial hair. Flat toed shoes should not be worn at all. And if you’re forcing your groomsmen to wear pleated pants, you shouldn’t be allowed to get married at all. I know, it’s your wedding day, but don’t believe that your wedding party will be able to outshine you. They won’t. Let your wedding party look their best because if they do, they’ll have more fun. If they have more fun, the bride and groom will have more fun. And if everyone has more fun, there’s a better chance you’ll all end up on the dance floor doing the Hoedown Showdown with your grandma Sally and someone will trip and land in the cake. That would make a lovely picture.

A lot of my recent time, when it comes to wedding planning, has been sitting around and not thinking about it. My fiancee has done a good job ordering those things we need. We have a cake topper coming. Her bouquet arrived. My fiancee’s love of Etsy continues to grow unabated. She’s always looking, planning, thinking of new things to do while I just sit around and wait for things to happen.

So much for being an engaged groom.

Though once you finish the big planning steps, there really isn’t that much to do. My finacee and I are still 7 months out till our big day. I’m still unemployed and looking for work. I’m also the head of the process of finding my church a new pastor so there’s even a chance that our church won’t have an official pastor on the day of our wedding (but we’ve already arranged for a coverage pastor if need be). We’ve already arranged most of the menu in our head. Decorations are going to be light with most of it being just splashes of color to make the undercroft of the church a little more lively. Invitations will probably be made once the church pastor search advances a bit. And I’ve already done the website. What more can I do right now?

I could keep complaining about wedding trends but, really, after you complain as much as I have, there isn’t much new under the sun. The same ugly styles are just repeated over-and-over-and-over again. It’s like shouting at the ocean to stop throwing waves on the beach. It just ain’t going to happen. I do get tired of reading the blog posts where a bride or groom spends weeks showing pictures of every.single.minute of their wedding. I personally don’t want to see 5 blog posts all about the bride putting on the dress or 3 that detail the groom’s desire to have a “Reservoir Dogs” photoshoot. That’s why God gave us the little x on the corner of our screen to close windows.

We’ll see. I’ll try to come up with something new to blog about soon. My brother is coming for a visit today and will be here over the weekend. I’m sure he’ll say something about married life that I can mention.

The World’s Most Expensive Wedding dress

$1.5 million for a dress made out of peacock feathers? Wrong. It should be a tux made out of peacock feathers. I would totally rock that.

Orange Candy Buffet

I like how this is laid out.

Mad Men Weddings

I like some of the looks the only problem is that it doesn’t fit the story line. Where’s Don Drapper sleeping with the bridesmaids? Where’s the guy chasing after the 18 year old freshman from college who is the bride’s sister? Where’s the closeted gay? I need more more more people.

PIE

The more I think about it, the more I want pie at my wedding. Only problem is that pie is hard to eat and if you don’t have many tables, this could be a problem.

This is awful

What an awful wedding dress. Ladies, unless you are being married while scuba diving, do not expose your midrift at your wedding. If you must, do it at the reception but lets keep covered up at the ceremony or else I’m letting your groom walk around in a tube top on his big day.

Those Bridezillas

Another Bridezilla is facing possible jail time. This one actually wasn’t on the show but she did write a bad check and try to launder money to pay for her photographer, DJ, and other wedding day events. She was arrested 2 days before her wedding. I wonder if they waited to arrest her until right before her wedding day to make a point. That is something I would have done.

A 1.2 mile train

This might be a little excessive.

Subway shots

My fiancee and I aren’t the only ones who want to do this. Hopefully our shots will look less artsy, more comical than what seems to be the norm in NYC.