That’s right. I’m engaged. There’s a lovely young woman out there with a ring on her left finger that I bought for her. She said yes. We have a date. We have a plan. Hell, I even got her an engagement ring for her engagement ring. I’m engaged and I’m not afraid to admit it or celebrate it. I’m also not afraid to lay on a giant beach ball and have my portrait taken.
I am engaged to not only get married to the woman of my dreams but also I’m engaged with the process of getting married. The planning, the complaining, the reality checks, my desire for a ridiculously large cake – I’m there, in the process, willing to put in my opinion, to weigh options, to be involved. I know you probably just said a silent prayer for my fiancee but let me say in the very beginning that I’m a laid back guy who tends to go with the flow. But, and maybe I should bold this, I’ve got opinions and I don’t mind waving them around. And I’m going to blog about them. And why? Because the current wedding debate is only coached in terms of women who claim to not be into the whole process and those who are so into their big day that they post every.single.wedding.picture.that.was.taken.onto a website and spend their time reliving their wedding day for years after the event.. I know that there is a middle ground somewhere but the wedding debate is framed with this anglo-american faux middle class female point of view. From Indie Brides, to eco-friend brides, to those who elope, and those who rent out churches for denominations they can’t even spell – weddings are this big female centric event. Men are traditionally regulated to the roles of either being an accessory to the whole shindig or are reduced to the stereotype that big weddings are ridiculous and expensive wastes of time (even though they just bought a 60 inch flat panel tv). Grooms exist outside the event while brides (and their mothers) exist inside the event. Screw that noise. It’s my wedding day too.
So, in order to turn the tide a bit, this is my attempt to blog about the process of what a wedding means. A wedding is not just one day where, before God, family, and the state of New York, I pledge my love and commitment to one person. A wedding is a process that starts from the moment you decide to save for a engagement ring, straight through the proposal, the sending of invitations, the reduction of the guest lists, the arguments over the registry and straight on to saying “I do”. And why shouldn’t it be like this? Life isn’t a series of specific time defined events. Life is a series of processes that run into, over, and through each other. And shouldn’t the wedding process be a good way to test not only how you handle the process of life but also how you and your future spouse handle these process together? If the process is merely regulated to one side of the family, is that not setting the stage for the rest of the relationship to follow that framework? For some people, this might work. But it doesn’t work for me because, honestly, I’m not smart enough to pull that off.
So here it is. I know I’m not the only “engaged groom” out there but I at least will put my voice out there. And snarking the brides on the knot can only get me so far.