When my perfect gown isn’t your perfect gown

Yes I am ripping off the title for a recent Manolo for the Brides post. Why? Because I agree with her.

It is ridiculously hard to dress another person in their style. Why? Because we all have our own preferences and we believe that another person would look awesome if they matched up with us. We like hoodies so they should wear hoodies. We like big puffy cupcake skirts so she should wear a big puffy cupcake skirt. I see this all the time on Say Yes to the Dress. Sisters, mothers, friends, look at the bride and start to dress themselves rather than let the bride dress herself. People mask their opinion under the gauze of “being honest” or “trying to help her look her best” but what they really should be saying is “I can only dress myself”. That’s the brutally honest answer to any subjective question about clothing and dress. When two bridesmaids come dress shopping, and one likes a mermaid while the other likes a ballgown, that is when the horns come out. And even if they were tactful and were kind, it doesn’t excuse that fact that they’re not being honest with themselves that their opinion, why valid, is only in relation to how they dress and what they wear. This is why Rachel Zoe is paid big money to dress celebrities to look like Rachel Zoe. If dressing others in their own style was easy, a lot of fun life drama would be done away with.

But I do think people should also be aware of this fact and paint other people’s opinions with a fine brush of a reality check. There’s no need to get defensive, to feel like you’re being attacked (even if you are), or to totally ignore another person’s opinion because “she/he can only dress themselves”. Rather, approach clothing and style with an open mind but realize that the final decision is yours. And, since it is your day, if haters don’t like it, let them hate. They’re still going to come to your wedding, eat your food, drink your booze, and embarrass themselves by falling into the cake. Let them do it.

My brother, after reading my last blog post, saw my mention of “wing tip” and immediately send me an IM telling me to never wears those for the love of all that is Good and Holy in the world. He even used caps. Five years ago, I would have gotten defensive. I would have automatically assumed he didn’t have any taste or style, that his opinion was wrong, and that he merely wanted to make me into a puppet that looked like him. But I’ve grown up a bit and I realize that my brother is just giving his stylistic opinion about something that he wouldn’t wear. We had a nice chat about elf shoes. Am I wearing wing tip shoes to my wedding? Of course not (he actually failed to read the post to the end before sending me an IM) but I value his opinion no matter how different our two styles are. If I didn’t, I’d scrub him from my contact list (which would then open up another can of worms with my mom questioning my sanity, etc etc but this is what families are for, right?). But if my brother told me to wear New Balance sneakers with ill fitting white jeans, a wrinkled polo shirt that was two sizes too big, and a hat with a trout through it, I’d slap him. I’ve done that once. No more!

One thought on “When my perfect gown isn’t your perfect gown”

  1. My Bass hat was better.

    And, yes, I did read your whole post. And I knew you weren’t getting wingtips. However, you have a tendency to try and dress cool but instead you look like a fool. I gotta stop that like Avril Lavigne.

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