I get asked a lot whether my wife and I have a name for the kid yet. Let me just come out and say that we’re keeping it under wraps. I usually answer the question with “we don’t have a name yet; we have a list; we’re gonna wait till we meet the guy.” And this is all true. We have a spreadsheet – a google doc that we share and update every once in awhile. And we have a color code system for names that we like and names that we don’t (though my suggestions, rightly, are usually shot down). So, the world will know the name once the kid is born. Because, I feel, that’s when we’ll know too.
But when it comes to the actual name, I find myself thinking ahead. I don’t really pay attention to the nicknames that kids will give him because, well, kids are creative and they’ll come up with something. I tend to find myself, mostly, thinking about future options for his career in professional sports. What are fans going to call him? What are his teammates going to say? Are they going to give him an action name or a riff on his given name? If I give him a boring name, will he have no chance at a cool nickname? Can his name, or nickname, be put in an acronym for NBC, CBS, or ESPN? These are important questions! IMPORTANT! We’ve gotta be prepared for all future possibilities! And even if he ended up on Wall Street or with a Bishop hat or working in retail, he’s going to need a nickname. He can’t be like me and rely on the names of rappers from the late 80s/early 90s to help him out. He’s gotta have options. OPTIONS!
This is probably why I shouldn’t be allowed to name children.