Our Birth Plan…

is not this.

My favorite bits:
In lieu of a traditional hospital gown, Jamie would prefer to be dressed like Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer.

Please provide WiFi so we can check what you say against Wikipedia and our favorite mom blogs.

We have chosen a Doctor (“Mr. Cooper”) because he shares our desire for a natural, low-intervention birth. Mr. Cooper will deliver the baby via Skype from his home in Taos.

Yes. So very yes.

Christian Bookseller Association’s Top Selling Bibles

Are you curious about what bible translations sell at Christian Book stores? No? Well, I can’t blame you. As a – capital M – mainstream Protestant, I’ve never felt compelled to walk into a Christian Book Store unless I feel the need to see how Christian Pop Culture is destroying the world this year. But I do know that people do actually enter these stores and spend their money so below are the top ten selling bible translations through June 2, 2012.

Based on Dollar Sales Based on Unit Sales
  1. New International Version
  2. King James Version
  3. New King James Version
  4. New living Translation
  5. English Standard Version
  6. Holman Christian Standard Bible
  7. New American Standard
  8. Reina Valera 1960
  9. Common English Bible
  10. The Message
  1. New International Version
  2. King James Version
  3. New King James Version
  4. New living Translation
  5. English Standard Version
  6. Holman Christian Standard Bible
  7. Common English Bible
  8. Reina Valera 1960
  9. New American Standard
  10. New International Readers Version

If you’re like me, you only recognize a few of those translations. But what really stands out is how none of those translations are what we use in church on Sunday morning. Now, I get why that’s the case – I mean, as a Mainstream Protestant, there aren’t enough of us to keep the NRSV numbers high. But these numbers do make me curious about what happens when congregants – those who actually go into a CBS every once in awhile – what happens when they hear a translation in church that doesn’t match with their bible at home? I’m guessing most don’t really spend much time thinking about it or notice. But I think those of us up front tell ourselves that the differences are beneficial. I think we think that the person hearing the Word spoken with different words might have to pay attention a little more to the text. But is that really true? I think a more common reaction, and one that I employ all the time, is to just zone out during the scripture readings. My body might be in the pew but my mind…my mind is in a different dimension. Usually, by the time “Praise to you O Christ” is spoken, I’m back inside the church but that’s not always a given. Now, if my behavior is more normal than not – the different words fails to engage the individual. Instead, the person is left focusing on the fact that the words are different rather than the content of the words themselves. I think a great example of this is if you happen to attend two different churches (or services) that use the two different ELW approved translations of the Lord’s Prayer. This is a problem for me since my field site uses the more ecumenical translation while my home church uses the prayer that includes trespasses and all that. So, when I’m at either service, I always stumble over the Prayer and find myself asking “okay, which one do I speak today?” Content loses in respective to what is spoken. Now I don’t think everyone is attending multiple churches but I do think this matters for the stranger that comes into the door. If they find themselves being confronted by different words, those words need to be explained and grounded for them. If not, then it is possible that the visitor will be trapped noticing the “differences” and, seeing the differences, might end up feeling that the church is just too “different.” And if that happens, they’re just going to walk out the door, never to return. I’m not saying that churches should be afraid of the words they use in their services – but I am saying that those words need to be given grounding, expression, and explanation. And if the preacher or presider doesn’t spend time doing this, I think evangelism suffers and, in this day and age, evangelism matters, even for capital M mainstream Protestants like me.

P is for Punk

Uh oh. My wife just sent me a link to Punk Baby Clothes Dot Net. Must.Buy.Things.

Now, to be honest, most of the stuff listed is junk. Not to get all Andy Rooney on you, but just because something has a skull on it doesn’t make it punk. In fact, that does the exact opposite to that piece of mass manufactured, Hot Topic inspired, item. And speaking of selling out, I would also like to take this moment to also tell parents that just because your kids listen to your music does not make them punks. It doesn’t make them cool. There’s a good chance that the kid, once exposed to the wider world, will be reduced to Bieberism and One Connection-itis before the next full moon. The fact that your kid has to suffer your music does not automatically make them a fan. I’m fully aware of that. And I expect that I’ll see my kid bopping out to the Old 97s someday and, for a moment, I’ll forget what I just wrote and think that “great! my kid has taste!” But, alas, who knows what will happen. And the fact that I’ll be the dad, well, there’s a chance I’ve just made all my favorite bands completely uncool just because I like them.

But some of these items are pretty great. The kid will need a gray fedora for his first Social Distortion concert. There’s also this Ramones onesie. I enjoy this shirt with a ninja in a hoodie because that was my default look through most of high school. I also particularly enjoy punkling since every time I call the baby kidling on this blog, my brother reads kindling and has to read the sentence again. And we can’t forget the rocketship because, kid, whatever happens, I hope you at least learn to have big dreams.