Pocket Sized Pastor*

Bridezillas Casting Call

Bridezillas is looking for more brides to act up on tv. I especially like the bit about “tell us why you’ll be a great bridezilla”. It’s taking pride in being a jerk. I know I should be against it but, well, it makes good tv as long as you can fast forward through the really obnoxious parts.

Disney’s Wedding Dress

There’s a new Disney wedding dress named Tiana after the princess in The Princess and the Frog. I really want to hate on Disney’s wedding dress line but I really can’t. They’ve taken the desire for some brides to be a “princess” on their big day and marketed something to that demographic. And the products that are offered are actually pretty good. Trendy but not too trendy, classic but not boring. They’re actually fairly legit. But where’s the line of tuxedos for grooms. I’d totally like to wear a suit of armor and ride a white horse into the chapel on my wedding day.

Chris Daughtry is, well, I dunno

While going through my celebrity blog feeds, I noticed a quote from Chris Daughtry : “The last thing I bought her was a really awesome diamond ring that should probably keep me out of trouble for the rest of my life.” At first glance, I thought that was pretty good engagement ring advice; buy an awesome ring now if you can afford it. Don’t be the typical guy and complain about it’s cost. But the more I thought about it, the more I realize that the quote is your typical guy behavior – it almost follows the Kobe Bryant method of resolving differences (i.e. the bigger the screw up, the bigger the carats). I know what Chris Daughtry said is probably a throw away comment, a joke, one of those unrealistic statements that are an exaggeration of reality, but it does illustrate an attitude that many men, and grooms, have. And that attitude is really not the best to have on your wedding day.

Luxury Bridal Underwear

La Perla will be unveiling a new line of luxury bridal underwear in November that is inspired by the 1920s. The underwear is going to be old fashion, modest, and expensive which means the hipster in you can go ahead and pick that up to feel special.

An ugly platinum wedding dress

This gown costs over $500,000 dollars and is ugly, ugly, ugly. It’s crap like this that gives the wedding industry, brides, designers, and our tasteless grooms, a bad name. I know that she gets to pick the dress but grooms, if you are involved in the bridal gown picking at any time, if you see something ugly, say that it’s ugly. Actually, be more tactful than that by picking another dress for your bride and emphasizing why it’s better – it shows off her figure more, make her look thinner than a rail, the amount of cleavage won’t scare your grandmother, etc etc – while, at the same time, thinking to yourself that her first pick was ugly. U G L Y.

White Wedding

Manolo for Brides basically explains how my bride thinks when it comes to our wedding day colors.

I’m against carving your name and your SO’s name into a tree. People do it. I’ve had good friends do it. I’m sure George Washington did it after cutting down a cherry tree. But, yeah, I’m not a fan.

(Don’t assume that, for a second, there is a rational explanation for why this bugs me because there isn’t.)

Either way, I think carving your wedding date on a tree – on an aspen tree no less – is a faux pas. Oh. And the cross. Oh man, that bugs me. And it bugs me because when you carve one Aspen trees, you’re not just hurting one tree. You’re hurting the entire grove of Aspen trees. An Aspen grove is one single living tree. For a time, the largest living creature in the world was an Aspen grove (but it eventually lost out to some mold or something). So it’s not that adorable if you think about it. It would be like slapping a random stranger and then their entire mitochondria dna related family would feel it and go “ow”. Would you want to slap someone and cause that? Would you?

I’m going to ignore the 83% of you who answered “yes” to that question.

And I’m also going to ignore that part of my problem with this picture is, well, is that I want to take a picture like this but I never seem to be around the right Aspen groves. Ah well.

200 days till our wedding. Our cake topper has arrived.

(by nakked peggies)

There’s a band called Bridezilla. They’re from Australia. Some people are probably wondering if they’re any good. I think the more important question is if they know kung fu. Also, if we could get the band put in a cage match against some real life Bridezillas, I’d watch that. Are you listening WE tv? You could have an awesome season finale right there.

I’m clearing out my google reader because I woke up earlier than expected today.

Protesting on your wedding day

A couple got married and decided to protest the Central Park carriage ride at the same time. At first, I found this obnoxious because I find PETA obnoxious but, to their credit, the horses in Central Park do look sickly compared to horses from other cities. I also don’t agree with handing tracts out at your wedding. I support the cause though I I do find that the bride’s comment about what the most wonderful wedding present in the world to just be illustrate a lack of imagination. Why not give the horses jetpacks? That would definitely be an awesomner present.

Don’t forget your busty friends

If you are going to have bridesmaids, please think about all aspects of your brides. Basically, if you don’t have a larger cup size, and your friends do, please let them actually wear a bra at your wedding. And if you’re a groom, please have the same consideration for your groomsmen. Don’t pick a suit that is an ugly color for the one tan guy in your party. Don’t pick ugly ties that will clash with your hipster friends mountain man facial hair. Flat toed shoes should not be worn at all. And if you’re forcing your groomsmen to wear pleated pants, you shouldn’t be allowed to get married at all. I know, it’s your wedding day, but don’t believe that your wedding party will be able to outshine you. They won’t. Let your wedding party look their best because if they do, they’ll have more fun. If they have more fun, the bride and groom will have more fun. And if everyone has more fun, there’s a better chance you’ll all end up on the dance floor doing the Hoedown Showdown with your grandma Sally and someone will trip and land in the cake. That would make a lovely picture.