Pocket Sized Pastor*

So Heidi and Spencer got married. You might not know them but I know them. I gossip so I’ve had to stare at their ugly mugs for the last two years. I wish they’d go away and I know that my talking about them means they won’t. But, well, they got married and I felt the need to blog about it.

Perez Hilton greet the “happy” bride and groom.

So the lovely “couple” supposedly eloped in Mexico five months ago. But it was all fake. It wasn’t legal, wasn’t recognized by either the US or Mexico, and was just a ploy for them to sell images to the gossip mags. They decided to get really married this weekend (well, to be honest, it could entirely be fake again) and it was filmed by MTV. The wedding wasn’t lovely and was rather generic and uncreative. And MTV did pay for the wedding which means the three wedding faux pas probably weren’t necessary. Wine and beer were free but 10 dollars for any other drink. Cocktail hour had little food and the reception was really sparse. The reception was suppose to start at 6 but the doors didn’t open till 7 and the couple didn’t show up till 9. These are 3 very big no-nos, in my opinion, and future brides and grooms should take note. Having a cash bar is fine in my opinion (but I’m not really a big drinker) but make sure the prices for the booze are reasonable and are on a sliding scale. A unique mixed cocktail from a very good bar can be 15 dollars so if you hired an awesome bartender, that’s understandable. However, a gin and tonic shouldn’t be more than 6 and the cash bar should reflect that. Also, show up to your reception on time. If not, make sure the doors open on time at least and keep people fed. My wedding will only be a light dessert reception but there’s going to be a lot of it to keep people fed. And my fiancee and I will be doing our pictures before the ceremony so that there is no delay between the reception and the I Dos. Showing up 3 hours after the reception was suppose to start is entirely unreasonable and stupid.

But that isn’t the whole story. When you hire someone to shoot your wedding, don’t accuse them of being a paparazzi during the cake cutting. Know who your venders are, get to know them, and if you’re an over the top, hold fake photoshoots all the time, and want a cut of every picture of you that gets sold, yelling at a photographer at your own wedding is pretty stupid. In fact, it’s more than stupid, it just shows how little you care about the actual wedding. Everyone right now is keeping tabs on how long this wedding will last. It’ll last as long as they’re both able to keep making money on their name and image. When the money dries up, they’ll both move on to other things.

And I promise this is the last time I will mention these two.

[via wedding chicks]

Ever since I got engaged and started planning my wedding, I’ve started to realize that wedding news is everywhere. I use to not pay that much attention to it but you can’t open a magazine, turn on the tv, or look outside without seeing something wedding related staring back at you. I sometimes miss the good stuff. Luckily my fiancee finds it and forwards it to me.

Recently, at a wedding in my borough of Queens in New York City, one of the guests (who was the groom’s boss) became drunk, hurled a drink at another guest, accused the bride of fucking up the life of the groom, and told everyone that she’s been sleeping with the groom while toasting the couple. So what did the bride do? She’s suing her. The bride says this guest ruined her special day. Supposedly, after the toast, seventy guests were asked to leave the reception. And the bride and groom didn’t spend their wedding night together and she can’t trust her husband (though they’re currently living together). The bride really does think her groom slept with her boss.

That sounds like a horrible day and I feel for the bride and groom. Well, I mostly feel for them. What I’m really curious though is why were 70 guests kicked out of the reception? If this was really the work of one woman, why wasn’t she just removed? Why was a large chunk of guests kicked out of the reception? That’s what makes me think that there is much more to this story than the lawsuit contends. But, all in all, it just shows that manning the guest list, keeping a close eye on who you invite, and maybe keeping the alcoholics away from the bar is probably one of the better things to do at a wedding. I know that every guest loves and open bar but not every guest is good when confronted with one.

Dr Pepper sponsored a wedding. This is a brilliant idea.

My fiancee came to my apartment right when I was reading this article. I looked up and asked her if Diet Coke could sponsor our wedding.

She said sure but only if we got an Orange Soda brand as well.

My fiancee and I aren’t carbon copies of each other. I have an identical twin so I never grew up wanting to marry a carbon copy. When you already share DNA with someone, you already are familiar with having someone in your life who likes what you like, does what you does, etc etc. So it’s pretty obvious that my fiancee and I would have differences and soda is one of them. I drink a lot of it (I grew up on diet). She doesn’t drink as much. Our cola wars involve Diet vs Orange.

So if Diet Coke is reading this, if you can get Orange soda involved, I’d gladly let you sponsor our wedding. We’re going to be spending enough money on you for beverages anyways. And if you want to wear giant sumo suits and wrestle each other, I’ll delay my first dance with my lovely new bride to watch you fight it out.

The details for one of the stain glass windows at my church

Okay, to be honest, I didn’t really pick it. My fiancee did. When we first started talking about getting married, she said that I could choose when we’re “officially” engaged but that we’re getting married on April 10 so I shouldn’t wait until after that to propose. She picked that date (and I completely agree with it) because our church, Trinity Lutheran Church, is awesome during Easter.

The white linens and banners, the lilies all over the altar, the cross, the pulpit, the choir loft, and the streaming sunshine illuminating the stain glassed windows that cover the building – Trinity is perfect in April. It’s not only a national landmark, it’s also a testimony to the German immigrants from Lower Manhattan who emigrated to Astoria in the late 1880s and built their own congregation. It’s a beautiful old building outmatched only by the warmness, openness, and love of the people who worship there. I was a little considered that my fiancee’s family would want us to marry in Florida (where her entire family is pretty much located) but her mom would have none of it. In a church as beautiful as ours, it’s hard to not get married in it.

April 10th will be the Saturday after Easter next year. Besides the liturgical significance of having a wedding during the Easter season, the large amount of flowers and decorations means we will have to spend 0 dollars decorating the ceremony space. Rather than waste time organizing a space to fit our needs, we rather let the space be a character in our wedding in its own natural way. There’s no need to create something to fill a picture – we’d rather let each piece (and our church is a piece of our lives) fit into our wedding celebration. And, after the ceremony, we’ll take all the Easter lilies we bought for the church (10 dollars a plant!) and move them downstairs for the reception. Wham, bam, easy decorations ma’am.