Author: MASadmin

Bring some POP as a Crucifer at Trinity LIC.

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I don’t have a lot of shoes. I tend to only wear two or three pairs before they wear out and develop holes in the bottom (which seems to only take about two months it seems). Currently, I’m wearing red Converse All-star Chucks when I go to the gym. I wear black low top Chucks when it’s hot and I bust out the sorts. And I wear a pair of Oxford clones from Urban Outfitters as my work/everyday shoe. The problem with the Oxfords is that they don’t have much traction on the bottom. In fact, they have none. I can slip and slide down a sidewalk like I’m skating in Bryant Park. When I’m carrying groceries from the store, that’s not very fun.

So, today at church, I was going to be the crucifer (and I ended up filling in as a chalice bearer during communion). As a crucifer, I lead the four processions that occur during service, carrying a large cruifix in the process. I’m also dressed in a white and black robe. My plan was to wear my oxfords because that’s kinda dressy and I tend to dress down for church and I wanted to be a little different today. But then I realized that the church’s floors were waxed two weeks ago. I spent all day yesterday running nightmare scenarios in my head where I slip while carrying the cross and it lands on my head and kills me. But since I’m already at the church when it happens, the funeral is short and sweet and quite lovely. And then Aretha Franklin comes by, wearing one of her hats, and brings the house down with her beautiful voice. The place would be packed of course. Hundreds of people would fill out into the streets. And my fiancee would throw herself onto my casket going “I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!”. It would be very Hollywood and Michael Bay would do the special effects. I’d then haunt the church which would be nice until it’s eventually razed and some condos are put in its place. That’s how it always goes.

Anyways, not wanting that to happen, I wore my red Chucks instead. Nothing makes the old ladies at church excited than seeing my red Chucks carrying the cross or when they bend down and say “Amen” after they dip the bread into the cup. One even told me that she liked my shoes before she said Amen right after I said “The Blood of Christ shed for you”. I couldn’t help it but say “Thanks!” I’m not sure the Church Fathers would have approved.

I never wanted to be THAT guy

It’s pretty standard belief that when it comes to Weddings, guys are not only clueless, but we’re aggressively irritatingly clueless. We become passive aggressive, complain all the time, and start raging against “society” for telling us to “behave” a certain way. We stop thinking (if we ever really did any thinking before hand) and become worse that your stereotypical mother-in-law when it comes to helping with the wedding planning. We become unhelpful and resentful because we don’t like how much the wedding costs, we feel like we’re being shut out of the process because “it’s the bride’s day”, so we drag our feet, make a bunch of sarcastic comments, and piss off our fiancee by going on a bachelor party to Las Vegas and meeting a stripper named Precious. And then we get mad that anyone gets mad at us.

Man. That guy should be dropped off a cliff.

And that guy still exists for some reason. A poster posted two very common THAT guy questions on ask metafilter. His first question was how much a wedding should cost when it was really a screen that weddings are expensive wastes of time. The second question was framed originally as a question where he wanted to get married away from his bride’s family but the bride’s family wasn’t happy about that. It wasn’t a real question though – it was one of those types of questions where he wanted everyone to say that he was right, the bride’s family was wrong, and he even made a joke that the bride’s family didn’t have to attend the wedding if they didn’t like where it was. It was one of those “dark humor” moments that are really a screen for a passive aggressive behavioral trait that guys get at weddings. And how do I know that? He admits to not even fully knowing the budget for his wedding or who is going to pay for it. He isn’t taking the wedding seriously at all; he’s dragging his feet and hope that his passive aggressive behavior will break down his partner and they’ll get married on his terms. That, however, works better at ending engagements rather than getting better wedding terms.

There are a lot of reasons why THAT guy comes up. Part of it has to do with a lack of control, with the feeling that the groom gets shafted at the wedding, and that there’s a big party going on where the groom is specifically on the sidelines of the celebration. Part of this behavior is taught and expressed in the fact that mainstream advertising is bride focused. Open a wedding magazine and it’s 95% ads for dresses and maybe one ad for a tux rental. That’s it. There’s no real attention directed towards guys and that, I think, is the real crux of the issue. Everyone likes to be the focus of attention and it’s really hard to NOT be when you’re use to it. I’ve mentioned this before but it’s what happens when a person never learns to be able to fully live outside their own head. And this overall type of behavior is definitely not something that an Engaged Groom should be doing.

This is kinda why I’m blogging about leading up to the big day. I understand what it’s like to feel slightly shafted from the process. I understand that it’s easy for a guy to feel pretty clueless when it comes to weddings because we’re never really taught to care about them from a young age. I heard more about bachelor parties when I was growing up rather than weddings and that’s not right. One way to step outside of that pre-defined box, to feel as if you have some control over your own life, is to just be engaged with the process. Make decisions, take this wedding seriously, and don’t drag your feet or become a passive aggressive annoying brat. Weddings are stressful. Weddings can be a huge planning ordeal. But if you, Mr Groom, are unable to participate in it successfully with your fiancee, how are you going to be able to handle any of the bigger problems that come in the future? Kids, a house, jobs, retirement, inlaws, deciding on who’s family you stay with during what holidays, arguing over the remote, where cookies go in the kitchen, etc? I’m learning how to work things out with my fiancee now so that our married life is as pleasant as possible. I’ll can wait till my kids show up before I really get stressed out.

Quick Hits for April 16, 2009

Personalized cookies

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If I had a million dollars, all my food would be personalized. I like these heart shaped macaroons. I’d have fancy desserts like that at my wedding. And I’d order the homemade marshmallows from Jean George, chocolates from Jacque Torres, and enough desserts so that every person could have ten each. But then they’d only eat one. And I’d have to eat the rest. Watch out love! I’m letting myself go after the wedding! WOOHOO!

New York summer weddings

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I probably should buy this; New York‘s summer wedding issue is out. But I’m broke so maybe I’ll just go to Barnes and Noble’s and just stare at it. I’ll get a stack of magazines, go find some window sill, sit down, and start looking at the pictures. I won’t read it, of course, but I’ll admire the photography work on the models, the macros of the plate settings, and wonder if I’ll ever be able to afford the camera equipment that I want. Wait? What’s that? I’m suppose to look at the dresses and get decoration ideas for my own wedding? Please. Wedding magazines are like fashion magazines – pr0n for the camera inclined and nothing else. Okay, that’s a lie but that is what I tend to notice first when I open wedding magazines up first. It takes effort on my part to notice what is actually being advertised.

Quick Hits for Tax Day, April 15 2009

Bird Cage Veil

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Bird Cage Veils are huge right now. It seems that every DIY Wedding blog right now loves talking about Bird Cage Veils and the “vintage” look for weddings. I don’t know if DIY means your wedding has to look vintage or if brides who are into the DIY social economic spectrum just love the vintage look. My fiancee bought one in Florida at an antiques store for $10 (she bought another, larger, non-bird cage veil for our wedding which she received last week and she wears around her apartment). When she brought it home to show her family, her grandparents told her that those veils were worn by women a half a century ago when they were attending bible studies and they wanted a fashionable way to have their “hair covered” (according to St Paul). I don’t think the current trend of women wanting these veils have that same reasoning in mind.

Bridal Spring 2010

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Project Rungay does Spring 2010 bridal fashions and sleeves might be in next year. This is me hoping that’s true. And why, as a guy, am I fixated on bridal dresses? Did you not realize that 95% of all ads for wedding stuff are just about dresses? Dresses and weddings are one and the same. You can’t look at weddings and not get smacked upside the head with a dress. It’s the rolled up newspaper of the Wedding Industry and I’m the dog who jumped on the couch with muddy feet.

E-vites for Men

E-vites for men. I’ve said it once and I will say it 1000 times; when it comes to weddings, social gatherings, and anything that consists of taste and culture, we men tend to sell ourselves short. In fact, we encourage ourselves to sell ourselves short. When being well dressed is a crime against manliness, there’s something wrong with how we carry ourselves and these manvites are in that vein. Let’s not focus on e-vites to tell our friends to come over and play videogames or look at boobs. We don’t need those. Let’s focus on the important things which is humor, plain text mailing lists, and calling each other on the phone and leaving voice mails on each other’s phone. If you can’t say it with some e cards, you probably shouldn’t be saying it in the first place.