Pocket Sized Pastor*

She already has her dress. She has her veil. She already knows where she’s getting her bouquet from and when she’s going to order it. She’s got her something old too. Oh. And she picked out the head piece for our reception. Then, yesterday, to my shame, she had her shoes delivered to her house. She is on a roll people.

I got nothing.

Okay, that’s not true. I have my shoes, my cufflinks, and I’ve got my little piece of metal to put in my shirt collar (which my fiancee got me for my birthday – they’re engraved with our wedding date). But that’s it. I was planning on picking up a suit by getting one custom made by the folks at Barney’s. Since I’m small and thin and in pretty good shape, no mass produced suit will fit me at all. Even small European cut suits are too big. Plus, at close to 1000 a pop (which is a great price), and my recent month long furlough from my job, the idea of buying a custom suit right now is really not a high priority right now. In fact, I don’t think I really can afford it.

Which means I’m going to have to rent a tux. But what kind? And from where? And what style? I’ve mentioned in some earlier posts what I’m going to aim for, something less traditional but formal, no vest or cumber bum or anything too frou frou. It has to look good with a skinny ivory tie and have a spot for a pocket square. And it needs to be a modern fit which means tapering down the sides, a nice tight and snug fit across the stomach and side and not be so high waisted that I look like a smaller version of urkel when I take off my jacket. Oh Lord, I have a lot of requirements. I really should get the ball started on that.

And I know I need to work on this. But all I really want to do is look at pictures of candy buffets and dream about buying a marco lens so I can do that. Alas. Maybe if I win the lotto.

I don’t buy this list of five current feminist bridezilla trends. And why? Because they’re kinda lame.

I understand the name change issue and I support it. If you don’t want to change your name, that’s fine. If your husband doesn’t want to change his name, that’s fine too. If your some how believe that making up a new name in any way is different than changing your last name to match your future spouses, you’re probably diluting yourself, but I support it anyways. I can buy the name change as a feminist trend.

However, I completely disagree that taking the pictures BEFORE the ceremony as a feminist trend. Is this the trend to combat the “don’t reveal your dress before the big day” thing? Is that really a part of the patriarchy that demands fighting against? Or is this really just an attempt at embracing good time management skills? The thing about weddings is that they are a cultural institution that changes. Couples getting their wedding pictures taken before the ceremony are doing that so they can free up time at the reception. And why do they need that time? So they can participate in having signature drinks available to their guests, a 12 course meal, dancing till dawn, and then a special midnight snack for their after party. So it’s almost a trick for brides to spend more money on the reception. Hmmmm.

And that brings me to Mangagement rings. I know a guy who’s worn one. For some brides, it’s very important that they propose, that they own the process, and that they aren’t surprised. And, hopefully, when they find the right guy to marry, he’ll be accepting of her needs and either won’t care about proposing or won’t mind not being the one to do the asking. Encouraging women to not be afraid to say “I want to get married” is a good thing. But there’s something about mangagement rings that bothers me. I use to think I’d wear one and I probably would have if it came to that. Who wouldn’t want to wear a fabulous piece of man jewelry? I guess I’m wondering if this is a one way trap. If the men get rings but the women don’t, that seems less about equality and more about trying to mix struggles against the patriarchy within your own engagement (and this concept of equality and what that means is something that I, as a person who advocates equal treatment to mexicans and latinos and other racial minorities, is something I struggle with defining and relating to people who don’t necessarily agree with me all the time). But if it’s merely a two way street, where the woman gets the ring, the guy gets the ring, and both are labeled as “taken” and, if you’re in New York State, both rings become legal contracts to say that you’re going to marry each other – which all engagement rings technically are here – then I think it’s a fantastic idea. It’s an extension of the New York Manhattan Bride trend of giving your guy an engagement gift like, say, a really expensive watch. Or, what I want, a really big plasma screen tv. Though that might be a pain in the ass to carry around in my hand all day long.